The Disaster
by Jenniiibear
Summary: Girl's Night Gone Wrong: Bella wakes up to a literal "Disaster," thanks to the efforts of everyone's favourite psychic. Fluff/humour piece.


Author's Notes: This was a story I had come up with quite some time ago that I finally drafted into a story. Feel free to Read and Review :) I love feedback!

Disclaimer: If I owned Twilight I would be married to Edward right now and living on Ilse Esme. But I'm not and never will be so Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer and her publishers, etc.

**"The Disaster"**

_by Jenniiibear_

Sunlight shone through the thin satin curtains, draping the queen size bed that rested in the center of the room in a bright morning light. It poured onto my face, rousing me from my peaceful slumber. "Darn blinds," I muttered sleepily. Sitting up, I was suddenly afraid to open my eyes and let the already painfully bright light into them. The little I could see through my tightly clenched eyelids pierced like thousands of tiny little daggers, jabbing simultaneously into my brain. "Turn off that light," I grumbled. Reasoning that I would have to open my eyes at some point, I cautiously peeked a glance through my partially open left eye only to close it again rapidly. With a small shriek, I tumbled backwards off the bed's edge. I landed rather ungracefully on my face and I believe that the oh so '_delicious_' taste in my mouth was indeed the carpet.

Reaching up, I searched blindly with one arm for my soft duck feather pillow that lay somewhere on the bed. Once successfully finding the object of my search, I flung it in front of my face like a protective shield, designed to save me from the horrid light. Counting slowly to ten, I deemed myself ready enough to brave the bright illumination once more. I stood up from where I had previously been sprawled on the carpet, quite gracefully I must add, before slowly and gently lifting the pillow from my face.

Giving a sigh of contentment, I was finally able to keep my eyes open long enough to gaze around my… my… "Augh!" I screamed. The sight before my eyes shocked me, causing my body to take a step backwards in response, only to bump roughly into something large and heavy, therefore causing my lack of balance. Not that I needed any help doing that in the first place. Only moments later I found myself eating the carpet once more. "Ouch," I muttered lamely, as I lifted my face from the now _too_ familiar carpet. I knew I was clumsy but... damn! Today had definitely not started well, I thought to myself. "Must have _really_ woken up on the wrong side of the bed or something," I muttered into the carpet.

I sat there, or rather was sprawled there on the floor for a few moments before I decided it was time to pick up my pieces (aka my body) and dust myself off. Once on my feet, I kept my eyes downcast, I remembered what had caused my 'accident.' I was suddenly very afraid of the sight that would greet my eyes if I was brave enough to lift my head. I chanced a glance before averting my vision quickly. Remember the phrase curiosity killed the cat? Well it didn't kill a cat this time; I felt myself cringe at the thought of a poor defenceless kitty being trapped in this… disaster; the only appropriate word to describe what my room had become. Suddenly, I remembered the large heavy object and glanced backwards. Figures. It's my dresser. I shot a murderous glance in its direction before turning my full attention back to what I had now neatly deemed "The Disaster".

Long ago, in an Age when hangers ruled along side garbage pails, it had once been called my bedroom. Or was that yesterday? I did seem to loose track of dates… At the moment however, "The Disaster" resembled nothing like a bedroom. In fact it rather reminded me of that news broadcast about the damage Hurricane Francis inflicted somewhere to the south. Instead of pieces of wood, and two by fours everywhere, clothes of all colours were in scattered along the floor. "If there even _is_ a floor…" I mumbled under my breath.

Mountains of clothes, which rather reminded me of the Himalayas, conquered the lower region of "The Disaster." I decided that I would continue to deny the existence of the floor until it could be scientifically proven to exist, laying hidden deep beneath the 'mountains.' Peaks of sleeves, buttons, and frilly lace seemed to… "Hey wait a just a darn minute!" I screeched as a thought entered my mind. "I don't **have** carpeted floors!" Turning swiftly I glanced downwards.

Indeed, a roll of carpet lay in between the rocky mountains of clothes, a valley of carpet much higher than ground level. I gazed down at the "Carpet Valley" rather suspiciously, as though it was some evil villain seemingly desiring a truce, but in reality was actually plotting some devious master plan. It _did_ seem to like having me trip onto it after all…

I shook my head to get rid of the rather childish and impossible thoughts, wondering idly where the carpet had come from, being certain little angels didn't simply drop it amidst the wreckage. I decided however that it was probably better that I didn't know the answer. The carpet wasn't going anywhere, unless an earthquake swallowed it up, so I sent one last suspicious glance its way before I turned sullenly back to the rest of "The Disaster".

I thought to myself, "How am I going to get out of here?" I spotted some green and slimy looking substance from the corner of my eye and attempted to repress a shudder. Looking over to my right, I saw a box that looked amazingly like a large pizza box from Pizza Hut. I decided a further investigation was required before an absolute conclusion could be reached, but I was certainly not volunteering for such a perilous mission.

I pictured myself as a scout for an army, wandering ahead and scouting the way until the enemy came within my line of sight. Then I would hightail it out of there. I was a Class A coward, and darn proud of it too! Actually, I was rather surprised that I was even still in this room of perils actually. And then it dawned on me just why exactly I _was_ still here: I coudn't reach the door. The door wasn't even near me, nor was I near it. In fact, the door was about as far away as it could get while still being attached to the room.

I snorted rather unlady like –but hey, who's was around to hear it?- upon remembering a thought I had awhile ago. I had considered this room small not all that long ago. It now seemed, however, as if the door was on the other side of the world and the Pacific Ocean was between it and me. An ocean of clothes really. "How in God's name am I supposed to get out of here?!" I cursed under my breath while resisting the urge to scream in frustration.

I realized that I am wasn't going to accomplish anything by being angry, so I did what my first grade teacher, Mrs. Jennings, always told us to do: count. "One, two, three…" I continued with my counting for sometime before getting lost around approximately 788. Well the counting wasn't really helping, and I was all out of ideas so I surveyed "The Disaster" from another angle.

A devilish grin spread across my face, followed by a short round of evil laughter as my mind concocted a convert plan to arrive at the forbidden exit. I longed very every fiber of my being to reach it; the chance to actually breathe in fresh air after being stuck in "The Disaster" was one in a million. It took a diabolical genius like as myself to construct a plan such as this. I reviewed the procedures in my head for a moment before throwing the long-forgotten pillow back atop the twisted mass of sheets and material that I could proudly call _my_ bed.

I stepped carefully around a miniature version of Mount Everest, made of red and green material topped off even with white lace; the clothing version of a snowy peak. I shook my head when I spotted cans upon cans of… Diet Pepsi! What else would it be? I was under age after all...

The going was low and bumpy; I almost slipped twice as I attempted to face the next obstacle in my 'mountain path': The 'Pizza Box Valley of Doom'. I shuddered at the very thought of what could be inside the brown cardboard lid. It was too wide to step over, so therefore the conclusion was that one must go around it. I couldn't go to the left, the west wall was there, a dead end. My only other option was to go to the right. There sat another 'maintain,' though not as tall as the 'Mini Everest', for which I was ever grateful.

"Ha ha!" I exclaimed triumphantly when I was able to climb the 'mountain' with ease. My path was easy for the next few strides, swimming through the clothes as I found myself in a narrow valley path between two 'mountains'. I gave myself a pat on the back for making it this far; I was halfway there. Now my next challenge, and perhaps the most difficult one, stood before me.

I had foreseen this challenge from the very beginning, seeing as how it _was_ rather hard to miss a large puddle of green slime thick enough to make a small pool in another valley between the mountains of clothes. I surveyed my surroundings once more, but alas, there was no other way around the sickening puddle. The only way I was going to get through it would be to step through it. With a deep breath, I took a brave step forward. Then everything turned to chaos. The 'innocent' green slime turned out to be very… slippery. Surprise, surprise. Fate hated me, it seemed.

I stumbled and attempted to keep my balance, looking something like a fish; trying to swim through the air and yet stay on my toes. The scene was not unlike that of Home Alone II (Lost In New York), when Marve stepped onto that green… slime… and… slipped. Oh uh. I completely lost my balance and plunged forward, hitting my head on a hard wood surface that I never saw. Everything went black.

"Ugh…" I groan, sitting upwards and reaching a hand to my aching head. I then began to notice my surroundings. I was no longer in my room but rather in some kind of… Church?! My eyes went wide as I saw the alter up at the front. I looked down and saw that I was now sitting in one of the benches facing the alter. Gazing up at the stain glass windows, I was shown many scenes which mean nothing to me, but the artwork was breathtaking to behold. The one thought I had now was, "why the heck am I in a _Church_?!"

"Are you alright, my child?" A voice very close to my left said suddenly. I jumpe in my seat before turning to the owner of the voice. "I'm alright I guess… Where am I?" I asked, glancing at the kindly old man who was sitting beside me. I might lack almost any sort of fashion sense, but the man was wearing a brown monk-style outfit that I personally thought was outdated, possibly centuries ago even; it looked like something they might wear in those medieval movies. I stared at him in open suspicion, having no idea where he came from, and the way he was dressed was starting to freak me out. I assumed he noticed my rather obvious staring because he laughed suddenly.

I was beginning to think this "kindly" old man was on drugs. Really now, who went around wearing those outfits anymore?! I shook my head at this. He was still watching me with those twinkling eyes, which only convinced me further that he was either on too much medication, or not enough. I began to think he did not hear my question when he looked up suddenly and finally answered, quite unsatisfyingly, "Why you are in a church, my Lady."

The only thing that came to mind at that answer was this: Well duh! "Do you have any idea why I am in a church?" I asked, my voice sounding hopeful even to myself.

"Well, my Lady, most people who come to a church come to pray, or seek answers." He glanced at me and shook his head. "But in your case, my Lady, it would seem to me that you just hit your head too hard."

I gaped at his blunt and yet truthful statement. I remembered sliding on that green slime, and then... darkness. "_Crap_..."

"Uh… You wouldn't happen to know how I to leave this place do you?" I was anxious to leave and awake in my own room. This was a dream, I was quite sure; where else would you find someone dressed up as a monk from the 1300's? Except on Halloween of course, but it was only July; way too early for trick-or-treaters. And he was quite _old_ for that… His eyes twinkled some more and he answered again with a serene smile upon his face. "By using the door, my Lady." Yup, definitely on something… Though I had heard that drinking too much caffeine could make you do some crazy things.

I thanked the man before swiftly standing up and walking briskly towards the exit. I was actually very proud of myself for not running; which was quite the feat in my opinion. It took me a moment to reach the doors, but when I did, I pulled one of the heavy oak handles back and a bright light blinded me. Again. This was really starting to get annoying, I thought to my myself. I was actually beginning to contemplate living in a hole for the rest of my life. Yes... Perfect! Holes are nice and dark I hear. A sudden pain from my head jerked me into a sitting position. With the light slightly off of my face, I opened my eyes and took note of my surroundings. "Yes!! Ha ha!!" I cheered. The sight before my eyes: my room. Looking around, my cheering died when I see full extent of "The Disaster".

From this angle of the room, I could see what I could not before: the bed had hidden many surprises. I have been proven been wrong about something. There was a _two by four_ in here! I glanced back over my shoulder and my jaw dropped. The door! Miraculously the green slime had propelled me towards the door, and I was but a mere five feet from it, with no obstacle in the way but the usual sea of clothes. I cheered again mentally before striding the last few paces to the door. I gripped the handle triumphantly and took a breath before turning it to the left. I pulled back the door, almost exactly like the one in my dream. "Weird."

And standing there on the other side was a woman who could put even a WWE wrestler in his place when she was on a mission; my best friend, Alice Cullen. "Eep!" I squeaked before slamming the door closed in her face, her _angry_ face. Uh oh… I leaned up against the closed door as I heard and _felt_ her pounding fists onto its hard surface. Damn... for someone so small and pixie-like she sure was strong. And loud, I thought to myself when she began screaming at me. "Open up this minute Isabella Marie Swan or you will be sorry!" This is was what happened when I even thought about trying to avoid another nightmarish "Girl's Night" with Alice. Stupid future-seeing powers! My room. a.k.a. "The Disaster" had still not recovered from the _last_ "Girl's Night." I sighed to myself quietly before mumbling, "Welcome yet another day in the life of Bella Swan."

Please let me know what you guys think about this one :) I would really appreciate any feedback. Hope you liked it! Jenniiibear


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